Top Five of: Satisfying Videogame Pickups

Collectibles in certain videogames can be like crack. It can be an obsession, a craving, a desire. Why should a little digital icon being grabbed by your player character evoke such a sense of accomplishment, of fulfilment, of happiness?

I'll tell you why. Man is a greedy being and we need to HAVE EVERYTHING. That's our greatest asset. Baby has a lollipop? Baby is weak. Now I have lollipop. Satisfying.

Here's my rundown of the top five collectibles you find in videogames: the Top Five of: Satisfying Videogame Pickups!


SATISFYING VIDEOGAME PICKUP NUMBER FIVE: SHELLS (RED/BLUE)



Found in Mario Kart, there are definitely more powerful items to pick up, but none quite as versatile. Timed perfectly, you can hit three a poor sod with red shells in succession, infuriating them beyond belief and potentially putting the first place racer dead last. When picked up you can feel the smug emanating from your pores. You KNOW someone is going to get messed up.


SATISFYING VIDEOGAME PICKUP NUMBER FOUR: PIECE OF HEART



Picking up that little glass vessel and holding it above your head like a triumphant little elf? You'd better be! The chances are, if you're holding a piece of heart aloft, you've just felled an awesome Zelda boss and about to enter a portal onto your next endeavour. They punctuate the game by telling you, "nice job on beating that dungeon, mate. Be proud."

Little pieces of heart - requiring you to collect four pieces to create a full one - can also be found strewn throughout the game, but those aren't quite so satisfying unless you're talking about that elusive fourth quarter which makes another full heart.

And of course, when you collect a piece of heart, it replenishes your entire health bar. Bask in the shrill "Bwee-bwee-bwee-bwee" of your hearts refilling as your heart in real life, too, fills with the love.


SATISFYING VIDEOGAME PICKUP THREE: RINGS



Sonic's quintessential collectible is of course, the gold ring. And inexplicably, despite being the most common commodity in the game (you get rings by the bucketload) it only highlights your own greed by how insatiable you are to collect more.

That "DLING!" as you collect one is great, but when you're catapulted into a massive aerial bed of ten or more your glee is almost inexplicable as that poor Megadrive almost struggles to churn out the sound effects in succession.

Moreover, collecting one hundred rewards you further, with a fanfare and an extra life. And if you don't have any, picking merely ONE up is effectively your shield from death! Rings are amazing!

Only... it is a double-edged sword. The more you collect, the more there is to spew out, scattering everywhere like some kind of cruel wedding scramble as Sonic drops his stash, and your ring counter goes from a bloated, proud 239 to a flashing, angry, skeletal ZERO.

This is like a metaphor for real life, where one unexpected "badnik" (or, "phone bill") can rape my bank account and leave a flashing ZERO.


SATISFYING VIDEOGAME PICKUP NUMBER TWO: ENTIRE ROAST CHICKENS



A generic health pickup? Nay. Think about this for a second. This is an entire roast chicken. An entire... cooked... chicken. And you just found it in a bin. AND you're being attacked by seven guys with knives. How manly are YOU? You're just taking a quick break to eat an entire bird worth of meat midway through a heated street battle!

In Streets of Rage, there are also apples, but their nutritional benefits in-game are far less potent. This only goes to enhance the powers and allures of a chicken-filled phonebooth. This is also why, when I am told to eat "Five a Day", I instead eat five chickens. Better for you. Game Logic.

In Tekken Force mode in the game Tekken, when you consume a chicken the game actually, in a throaty declaration, shouts at you, "CHIIICKEN!" - even the GAME knows how much you love chicken. Chicken is a MAN'S pickup.


SATISFYING VIDEOGAME PICKUP NUMBER ONE: RED "RARE" BOX



In Phantasy Star Online, a game where everyone cooperates and helps each other battle through the forests and mines of Ragol, the red box is the ultimate spanner in the works. No matter how much you may have agreed on how to divvy-up the loot, who gets what, and how to share the spoils, the red box may as well be an injection of super-rabies into your party as each player wildly scrambles for it.

With some rare boxes having a drop rate of several hundred thousand to one, from an enemy which may have an appearance rate of several thousand to one, that red box may be a once in a lifetime occurrence. And as such, any agreements or alliances get chucked RIGHT out of the window.

Once you've successfully screwed your pals over after fighting for hours and hours to find this box, there's the tekker. Yes, when you pick up that box, it may be everything you always wanted. But it also might be a box of horse faeces. To figure out which it is, you need the Tekker to determine just which item is stored within the box. The wait... the unbelievable, palpable wait as he determines what is inside... and then, when it turns out to be rubbish, you can go back to the party and flippantly say "Hey guys, what's up? Oh, yeah, that was a misunderstanding. Yeah."

In a way the red box is kinda like the One Ring from Lord of the Rings. Coveted, powerful tool that has you screwing over your pals quicker than you can say "Gollumsux". Whenever one appears on screen, the single feeling you get is "I must have it." It's almost a shock, an overwhelming shudder throughout your bones to see one, and as such, it's the single most SATISFYING VIDEOGAME PICKUP.


Agree? Disagree? Do you have a better "Pick-me-up" in-game? Perhaps you can't get enough of the "Diddle-deedle-doodee!" of a Mario 1up, or maybe it's Pac Man's powerpellets. In any scenario, comment below and let me know!